I want to fall in an ocean of nothing from thousands of feet above sea level
The waves of emptiness swallowing me whole and throwing me back and forth with the current
To drown in a void, how ironic when I myself
Feel just as
"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."
Like most girls, my daughter hears, “That’s a pretty dress, did you pick it yourself?” or “What lovely hair you have,” or “You have the most amazing eyelashes,” or “I like the bows on your shoes,” or “You are so cute” almost every time somebody engages in conversation with her.
If family, friends, shop assistants, complete strangers, and even Santa only remark on how girls look, rather than what they think and do, how can we expect girls to believe that they have anything more to offer the world than their beauty?"
I feel like I’m drowning
Like I’m choking on poison gas
While everyone around me breathes completely fine
Like my lungs are helplessly shriveling
Like a moth’s wings being scorched by a bug furnace
I feel as if I’ve aged five decades in the past hour
My knees, hands, mind aching
Worn, fallen victim to arthritis from extensive overuse and abuse
Yet I don’t know what’s causing it all, why I feel this way
But I think: if I wasn’t feeling, wouldn’t I be dead?
38, 41, 43
38. Describe your dream girl.
I would need more time than I can currently allot to answer this question appropriately (or at least to my satisfaction). I guess I could mention a few things though.
Through heartbreak and recovery I’ve gained some measure of self confidence over the years. I want a girl who will make me question myself. Someone who rivals my intellect to the point where I am unsure of everything again. I think that is the heart of youth, and finding someone who does that is the secret to staying young.
I want her to be brilliant and passionate. I want her to have things that motivate her. Nothing is more unattractive than complacency. I want us both to always yearn for more, and enjoy sharing the strife of attaining it piece by piece.
I want her to make my knees weak. I know that isn’t the most “masculine” thing to desire, but I don’t care. If she really strikes awe in me like that I will never waiver in my devotion to her. I will never doubt. This will probably be due in part to aesthetics, but mostly to how she carries herself. I want to look across a crowded room at party, and see all the eyes on her; the hapless people who swallow up her every word, and be grateful to have her love me.
I of course want her to be beautiful, though my idea of beauty is not confined to one mold. I will say I’m a sucker for green eyes and dark hair. I prefer girls that are tall and slim, but that is mostly due to my own insecurities. It may be due to society, but I desire to feel manly. I’m really skinny, and I hate feeling smaller than the one I’m with. I really hate when girls tell me they’re jealous of my physique, because that just makes me feel ever more insecure. I know my own strength, but I want to see it in her eyes when she looks up at me.
Lastly, I want her to be talented artistically. A writer would be ideal, but any medium would be okay. I’m becoming a doctor, and I’ll have enough of that mentality at work. I personally believe that an aptitude for the arts breeds compassion in a person. Whereas it is easy to love me, I know that it isn’t the easiest thing to be in love with me. I genuinely have to work hard at overcoming much of the harshness bread into me during my childhood. I need an empathetic soul to understand me, and hopefully one day be a soft mother to my children.
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Everyone is too much of a blanket term. Most people do. Most people deserve a third, a fourth, and however many we can give them. Humans are weak. We succumb to so many pressures; fear, desires, and honest to God mistakes. I know I’ve done some things that keep me up at night, and that if I couldn’t forgive myself I probably wouldn’t be alive right now.
As for the exceptions… I don’t believe there is nothing a person can come back from given the opportunity. I think the issue is with people who don’t care to. Some people don’t care that they’ve hurt others, but will say anything to have the chance again. Those people don’t deserve a second chance.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Yes. Often. The Prophet said that a smile is the smallest form of charity. I was told that when I was very young and practiced it so much it just became a part of me. It’s like holding a door for someone. It takes very little effort, but can make all the difference in their day.